January 16th: Cause when you're 15...

Hello my fellow bloggers! I realize I have been falling behind on keeping you up-to-date on my most interesting life. Well, today is my...wait for it...wait for it...BIRTHDAY! I'm finally 15! YES, LIFE LOVES ME AGAIN. I feel as if I can breathe now. I went through today without anything bad happening! Last night was amazing. I had this new guy I'm talking to tell me he was going to bed at 10, but he lied! He called me on exactly midnight to wish me a happy birthday! (: I can't tell you how happy I was. My best friend, Harrison, gave me a cook book for my birthday. He says it will be something that I can have forever, and that it is permanent. I think he just wants me to remember him forever. I hope so, because he will always have an impact on my life. Sometimes I think his opinion means more to me than my own. Which I guess can be scary, but not with the way Harrison thinks. Anyway! Today was a really good birthday. Honestly, it was just the birthday I needed. A lot of people brought me food! It felt like I had a refrigerator in my purse going home! I PASSED MY PERMIT TEST! I didn't miss a single question. I knew them, all of them. It was the one time where I felt like myself again. I felt smart, because a lot of people I know have failed the test on the first try. Which is what I went into the DMV thinking. "Oh no, Dad came home early from work to take me to get my permit. If I fail, I'll bawl." BUT I DIDN'T!!!! The funny thing was, when we walked out of the DMV, Dad said, "I knew you would pass, because you don't accept failure." For some odd reason, this spoke volumes to me. My dad believed in me, he believed that I had studied and worked at memorizing signs for that test. It pretty much made my life! He handed me the keys when we got out to the Suburban, or as I like to call it, "The Tank". I drove us home, not worrying about me wrecking, or if the other car was going to come into my lane. For once, I just drove, and I felt powerful.

A lot has been going on in my life lately, especially with Journalism. It's become a huge stress-maker, but also reliever. I loved being relied on by someone. It makes me feel as if I have a purpose, which is probably why I try to do so many things. When I have a purpose, I feel as if me being on this earth is actually a good thing.

My English teacher, Ms. Wright, is having us write three vignettes this week. The topics are: coming of age, identity, and a personal. The one I seem to have the most trouble with is my identity. What if I don't know who I am? Other people seem to, so why don't I? Emily sees me as strong. Mrs. Boatwright sees me as sassy and an ace reporter. My mom sees me as the "brainiac". My teammates see me as the one who says "Dear, sweet baby Jesus..." when praying before a game in the team circle. Everyone else can define me, but why can't I define myself? I don't know what makes me...me. I feel as if my identity is wrapped up in a trail of words. I love words. They are what makes me who I am, because without them, I would have no freedom to say what I feel. The adjectives that fit my mood so well would not be there for me to use. I would have no say, if I did not have words. My writing would be worthless (it kind of already is) without them. Sometimes I feel as if I was born in the wrong generation. For example, when the history classes went to see the movie, "Lincoln", the diction that was used in the movie, was phenomenal. I literally felt stupid walking out of the movie theatre. However, Thadeus Stevens, is my new dead-guy crush. He is utterly amazing when he argues for abolishing slavery. I became so interested in him that when I got home I Googled him. He was a representative from Philadelphia, who wasn't very well liked in Congress. He had a way with words that flowed like a soft stream. I will forever yearn to live in the days where asking someone, "What's up?" was unacceptable.

Anyway, back to my identity crisis. I suppose I'll just have to wing it, but not tonight. I'm too tired, and I still haven't studied for Mrs. King's history test tomorrow. Peace out guys!

 I'll blog you all later! :D